The Must Read Cat List

As a cat person and a book lover I was very excited about finding this collection of kitty classics at http://www.comediva.com/kitty-lit-101. Having read most of these books, I have to say, some of them would probably benefit from a cat or two. I hope you will enjoy this as much as I have.

A seven volume novel about dreams and memory. This cat-tastic tale is told by a young cat who recounts his experiences growing up, falling in love and learning about all cat-like things.

A passionate and philosophical tale that enters into the debate about God, free will and morality. A very fitting meditation for an ethical cat. Also, don’t forget about frisky kitty love triangles, complicated kitty father-son relationships and, just to add to the awesomeness, steamy kitty orgies.

A tail of love and loss where unlikely lovers stand up to family feuds and specieist traditions to prove to the world that love can be found in variety of places – even in the faces of your enemies.

Just for the record, I think this is a very depressing picture. However, how can you expect to not go blind when you kill your father and marry your mother – poor Oedipuss…

A tail of betrayal and revenge. Things were going too good for Catmond Dantes – he had the good job, some money and even the love of a girl who was to be his bride. However, his jealous cousin spoils it all for poor Catmond when he wrongfully accuses him of treason. After many years in the cold cell, Catmond escapes and with the help of some pirates takes revenge on his spiteful cousin and those who were involved in his plot.

“A stark view on one cat’s journey to the vet to be neutered, as narrated from the viewpoints of the other family members in the station wagon.  The famously short chapter, with only the sentence, “My mother is a fish,” symbolizes the cat’s fleeting sense of self as linked to its sexuality, as well as its hunger for Fancy Feast, which it was denied due to mandatory twelve hour preoperative fasting.” Well said, Comediva… well said. (http://www.comediva.com/kitty-lit-101)

Dickens draws a stark comparison between the lives of alley cats and aristocats (no, not from Disney). Moving between Paris and London, this tail narrates the plight of peasantry against the background of feline famine in the leading years to the French Revolution.

The historical context is very important to this work of great Cat literature. Set in the 1920, this novel is showcases the soaring economy and the prohibition of catnip.

Enjoy these great Cat Classics!

Cuteness Over Brawns

Introducaiton: Super Oh!

Armed with nothing but the skills she learned in graduate school, Super Oh fights evil doers with the might of her pen. Raised on a different planet occupied primarily by bears, Super Oh came to Earth as a teenager and quickly discovered her super powers — uncontrollable temper and power of persuasion (primarily by whining). Before her was a choice — to do evil and prosper, or to do good and live a relatively comfortable lifestyle. She chose the latter, but the years or crime-fighting have jaded her and she contemplates turning to the dark side as she watches over the city with her 100% recyclable cape blowing in the wind. Her faithful sidekick — Fruit-crate — is a unicat. Fruit-crate was once a normal kitten, but he was bitten by a were-unicorn and now possess the ability to summon rainbows. This is a very useless ability since the rainbow does not create a bridge of any sort as was previously thought. Together Super Oh and Fruit-crate fight crime and on their days off contribute to the BSB universe.

Why You Should Never Trust a Cat

 

Elementary school for ghosts

Last night, cashier/student had a dream.

Well, in fact, she (I) had a few dreams (one of them where she gave herself a tattoo removal using a sewing needle, and the other where her favorite chinese food restaurant somehow turned into a brothel), but the one that stuck with her while she was getting ready for work was the one about ghosts.

She often has dreams.

 Flying, falling, swimming, or running away from really scary clouds are very common themes. Ghosts are by far the most common and also a favourite of hers.

After a conversation about the joys of grade-school lunch swaps with one of her co-workers, she got to thinking. What if her dreams were real, that she was a ghost most of the time? What would her attendance at school have looked like from an outsider’s perspective?

A very favorite pastime in grades 5-7 was inhaling one’s lunch to make it out to the swing set before everyone else. Seeing how high you could go, and subsequently how stupid you could be for jumping off at that point were games that we enjoyed.

But, if I was a ghost:

Also a favourite from grades 5-7 was a slightly modified version of tag. We would combine hide-n-seek, tag, and long distance running. Boundaries were set based on the school fields.

But if I were a ghost:

And lastly, how could I defy my superiors, stick my tongue out at the world in general, or pass notes to my friends in class?

If I were a ghost:

No one could see me.

Fin.

Best excuses for needing a bag…

Once upon a time, there was a cashier. She was a student who studied during the week, and then worked at a liquor store during the precious weekend hours.

She was a geographer, who struggled to understand human settlement patterns and land-use conflicts in her classes amid the 21-year old reincarnations of nouveau-hippies, who were holier-than-thou, as her classmates.

“I don’t need 21-year old hippies to tell me how to be sustainable” she thought one Friday afternoon, as she stuffed her customer’s purchases into double and triple protected bags, lest they ‘clink’ together as people walked out of the store. “What we need is for people to break the habit of using store-provided bags for everything”. She understood well.

Just at that moment, The overseer’s shadow passed by. “Be diligent, my pretties”, it hissed,  “don’t forget to ask if they are alright without a bag”.

“Yes, over-seer.” The cashiers responded, and steeled themselves for the tense and shift-long battle of determination and wits they faced when dealing with “The Customer”.

She shuddered. She had heard them all. Excuses, excuses, excuses……they never made sense. And always, always The Customer averting their eyes, addicted to the free plastic sheet, melted together at one end, and printed with a logo on one side…..

They needed it. They wanted it…..their precious, precious bag.

EXCUSE #834U839028403ITKRL;Y,GFTKU95I534:

 

EXCUSE# 89cat

And perhaps, dear reader, if humanity doesn’t end on October 21 2011, or December 21, 2012, surely it will end because of this, which was uttered in sincerity (I kid you not) to our dear Cashier/Student:

Excuse #1:

 

Fin.

Thor is for Thorsday: Nyan What?

WTF is a Nyan Cat?! Everyone keeps talking about it. Here’s a video of the original (do yourself a favour and only watch 30 seconds of it. Take Thor’s word, NOTHING HAPPENS!)

Three questions come to mind:

1. Why is it a cat?

2. Why is he wearing a pop-tart?

3 Why is he pooping out rainbows?

Let’s try to answer these questions in order. Okay so, number one. I don’t  know the answer to that one. It seems that if they were trying to make it cute they should have used a cuter animal. What is cuter than a cat… a bunny, obviously!

Number two. Pop-tarts are not universally recognized food. “What the hell is this cat wearing?” people on the other side of the world would ask. Then we would have to explain that a pop-tart is a delicious morning pastry, with jam on the inside and icing on the outside. But not wanting to be exclusive, why not come up with a universally acceptable food… like pickles. Everyone loves pickles!

Finally, why is the cat pooping rainbows? Who knows, but rainbows are awesome, so the question you should be asking is why not?

So, lets review: 1. bunnies are much cuter; 2. universally recognized food, like pickles; 3. rainbows are awesome. Result: Thor’s very own Nyan Bunny!!!

Oh, yeah!!! And then there’s a song: “Bunny on a pickle jar na na na na, Bunny on a pickle jar! (repeat at least 5 times or how ever long it will take to annoy your friends)